Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Coming Full Circle - Ch.5


When I awoke from my groggy, post-surgical state, I could faintly see the television on in front of me. It was now Thursday around noon. I looked over to see Scott and his dad sitting next to me in the chairs. The doctor had already visited with Scott and shown him pictures of the 5wk 6day baby they had taken out of me along with my left fallopian tube that didn't survive the event. Had we waited even just a few more hours and my tube had ruptured, I would have bled out with within two hours. Yes, I am blessed.

When I came to fully, one of my firsts calls was to my friend Marissa. Her dad is a pastor in our church. She didn't know any of what had just gone on. When I told her, she immediately said she would come right away. She came with her dad and daughter to pray for my recovery. They didn't stay long. I was going to be heading home in the next couple of hours anyway.

First things first though. You have to empty your bladder before they let you leave. Sounds easy, but it isn't. Once that was accomplished, I was free to go. It was all such a blur. I don't even remember anything that happened between getting into the wheel chair and getting into the car. Thankfully, it was a short drive home.

I went straight to bed when I got to the house. Scott laid down next to me. We both needed the sleep. Mom still was on her way. The next thing I knew, she was standing at the side of my bed. She was saying some things, but I don't remember any of them now. She brought me a smoothie. She had also brought me lots of supplements and herbs for my rehab.

For the next few days, I had friends coming in and out bringing us food and stopping for visits. I am so grateful for so many wonderful, amazing friends that surrounded me during that time.

The plan was to get well enough to go to Arkansas on Monday. My sister was still sick, and had a newborn, a husband, and a two year old, and she also needed her momma. Most of the weekend was spent watching the Olympics. Saturday was when it hit me. I had been okay emotionally until then. When I think back, I am thankful to not have known that I was pregnant before the loss. There wasn't much time to mourn a loss when we only had just a short while from the time we found out till the time I had surgery.

I began to have a flood of emotions that Saturday. I had been pregnant. My body had betrayed me. Why did this happen to us? I have one less body part. So many things were going on in my head and in my heart. Shortly after that day, I wrote this down and it has become my prayer:

"Lord, I know you have a will and a reason for everything that happens in our lives.

This little baby that was growing inside of me that was taken so suddenly has a meaning and a purpose for its existence.

Lord, teach Scott and I what you have us to learn from this. Help us to grow and to be stronger and to be able to help others from what we have experienced."

That prayer sits in my prayer box and every once in a while I read it. I believe that I have had this experience to help others in their journey through this life.

Slowly, I began for feel better physically. Every now and then, I have a moment when I want to ask "why?", but usually catch myself and grin, knowing that I know the "why". I think deep down we all know the "why" when things like this happen.

My current prayer is for another life to join us in this life's journey. But until then, I know that every day I have is a day that I have to touch another soul in a way that I may not have been able to otherwise. And, for now, I am a mother of a heavenly baby, awaiting on our gift to come to this earth to live with us.

~The End. (or actually...To Be Continued one day...stay tuned)


Jolyn said...

Hannah, I am so glad you shared this story. I have no doubt it is touching someone, and will continue to reach out to someone who needs it so long as it is available on this amazing internet. The prayer is beautiful and perfect. I feel so honored to have you for a cousin.

racheljenae said...

:) I love your thought processes! The truth is we do ask why and our emotions sometimes get in the way of what we know the answer to be... but i love that its ok to ask just the same. Jesus is such a great comforter. thx for sharing so vulnerably.
love ya hannah!

Jerilyn said...

Oh Hannah, what a beautiful story of amazing grace and love. We love you.

Hannah said...

Goosebumps. I love you so much, and I am so thankful to know such a beautiful woman. Both on the inside and out. Praying for you, Scott, and that sweet little soul out there, who really needs you to be their Mommy.


MOMSWEB said...

Thank you for sharing how we are blessed through pain.

Jamie said...

Thanks for sharing this Hannah! It is so hard to understand God's plan sometimes, isnt it? I know you guys will be wonderful parents someday and I have a good feeling this will happen for you soon. You are in my thoughts and prayers my friend:)Your strength as a woman is sure to inspire others!